Taking a blogging break

Hey there! I know it has been awhile since I last updated and to be honest there is not a whole lot to update. So I think I am going to take a break from the blogging for awhile.

Harvey lost his job yesterday so I am now without helath insurance and will have to wait to see if they offer us COBRA. Which means I could be back at square one with getting in at Emory. I am more than frustrated with that whole thing.

I appreciate all your prayers and concern and ask that you keep praying for me. I will update the blog when I have something to update with.

Love, Jenn

An update of sorts...

Well, lots of folks have asked and I have not updated the blog lately so here it is!

I finally got someone on the phone at Emory after four attempts. The earliest they can get me in is the end of March. So more waiting. My FAVORITE~NOT! They do have me wait listed so I will hope that someone has to cancel. I will be seeing Dr. Linton Hopkins who has been at Emory for 35 years and specializes in neuromuscular disease. I have to get a referral from my doctor and that was like pulling teeth the last time so pray that it will go easier this time.

A lot of people have asked about me going by Jenn...there is no real story here. Jennifer is my given name, Jenn has been the name I went by for almost 30 years. Jiggy is a nick name I acquired and I used her as a mask to be fake and put her on as my fake it til you make it persona. I have decided that it was time for her to go. It was time to return to the real me. Jenn. So really that is the only reason and I appreciate the effort that everyone has made in trying to call me by Jenn or Jennifer. I will still answer to Jiggy but appreciate being called Jenn.

I am still walking without the cane and this week has been particularly difficult. Our office flooded and they have all the dryers and dehumidifiers everywhere so managing all the cords, machines and having to go up and down stairs has really kicked my butt! I was quite a bit more wobbly this week than last but I am determined to not use the cane.

I am still having a lot of pain and a lot of sleepless nights so if you would pray for me on that, I would appreciate it a lot.

I am doing good with my macro diet and have lost about 25lbs. Only downside is I have finally bought jeans I LIKE and now they do not fit! LOL! I guess that is not such a bad thing but now I am afraid to buy any more jeans!

So there is an update...nothing really new. Thanks for all the love, support, prayers and compliments you all have been showering on me since I have been back. I appreciate you all more than you could know.

Love, Jenn

Okay people I need your help...

and this time it is not for me. It is for my friend Trey. Trey was born in April at the cusp of 25 weeks. He has been in the hospital his whole life. He is medically ready to come home. It is a long story but Trey's parents have been treated poorly by the hospital to the point that his dad is no longer allowed to be at the hospital, He is not even allowed to call to see how his son is. It is an awful situation.

Anyway, this is where I need your help. I know a lot of folks follow my blog so I need you now...I need anyone who is or knows of any LPNs or RNs that would be willing to freelance to help Trey for a few weeks. He needs care of his trach, his gtube and just general medical assesment through the day for about three weeks until the home health kicks in on Feb 1st. We are desperate to get Trey home with his family where he belongs. His mom and dad and brother miss him terribly and a boy belongs with his family.

Also if you are willing to make a donation to cover the costs of the nursing care you can do that too. There are tw ways to do so. You can directly donate to his mom's paypal account (Alesiawinters@bellsouth.net) or by going to any Wachovia or Wells Fargo bank and make a DEPOSIT to the Trey Daniel Winters account. You can mention Lee Winters name if neccessary as he is the custodian on the account. I know that they appreciate any and all donations.

So help us bring Trey home where he belongs!

Love, Jenn

What I'd Give.

A friend of mine sent this to me last night! I got quite the kick out of seeing this fresh faced Jenn. I think this was taken the summer or so after we moved to Atlanta. This is in the apartment we lived in before we bought the house where my mom still lives. So that would be around 1981. What I'd give to tell that girl a thing or two...

I have not updated in a few days so I thought that I would do that for you all.

I got home on Christmas Eve. Got in a few minutes before I was scheduled too. It was an alright flight. I was one of the first to board. I had a flight mate that we will refer to as elbows from here on. Elbows was a skinny guy who was reading muscle magazine all the while managing to poke me in the side with his elbows...lovely. There was a lady diagonally behind me that was up and down several times (making me nervous for some reason and I am glad I was not flying on Christmas in light of what happened going to Detroit), the drink cart made it to me and the snacks did not. I think that had something to do with the turbulence. It was not as nice as my flight to Philly. I was glad to get home though!

The family greeted me at the baggage claim and much to John's chagrin and Harvey's liking my bag weighed 9 lbs less than when I left. I think John really hurt himself hauling my suitcase out of the car when I got there! I packed a box of all the non essential things like jeans, shoes and the like. UPS was picking that up today. Yeah only I left the jeans in my suitcase that do not fit!

Anyway we got home in time for me to go through the mail, and then realize we were almost out of toilet paper...welcome back to REALITY! Ran to Kroger and then met the family at church. We had Christmas Ever candlelight service and then Harvey and the girls took me to Chili's for dinner. I am really glad that I drove seperate. I was wiped out and they all wanted to go to Wal Mart to see if they could score me a new ipod. John spilled coffee on my old one when I was in NJ (about three days into my trip). If any of you truly know me, I LOVE music and my ipod is like an extension of me. Yeah I was pretty lost without it but John turned me onto this great website called www.lala.com so I was not totally without music. They were all sold out of ipods on Christmas Eve but I came home and went to bed.

Christmas was nice and quiet. That is a good thing! The girls got a Wii (Thank you to whomever left it in my office for them) and lots of other goodies from some special Santas. We are so blessed. Thanks to you all who took care of us. So the rest of the day was spent playing Wii and eating and napping! That is my favorite part!

The day after Christmas I decided to be BRAVE. I hate the mall (The girl in that picture used to LOVE the mall and could spend hours there). I needed to go to the Apple store. I needed a new ipod. Yeah I could have lived another day or twelve without it. LOL! I had to park at Nordstrom's and walk a lot. I sat in the car for about five minutes debating if I needed my cane or not. I opted to go without. I walked to the Apple store and then decided to be adventerous adn go to Bed Bath & Beyond because I had a GC...yeah I paid for that. I have to realize that while I can indeed walk without the cane, I should not over do it. I have to remember I am not superwoman.

So a lot of you have been asking me what all is going on so I am going to bring you up to speed. The doctor in NJ has given me a number for someone at Emory. We are still trying to determine who will be the best fit. Dr. T feels that I have been misdiagnosed so I will basically be starting over at square one as far as determining what it is I have and how to treat it. He just does not know what it is I have. I am a mystery-to quote him~ So after the first of the year we will get all of tha situated at Emory, I will have a bunch of tests, more bloodwork and an MRI to get the ball rolling. I'm feeling torn about all of this. I am excited that Dr. T thinks there is something totally different wrong with me and we have to figure it out, but I am frustrated about that all at the same time.

I am feeling a little out of sorts with being back. I am glad and sad all at the same time. I am trying to work through a lot of stuff. I am not going to post that on the blog unless I feel like you all need to know about it. Just pray for me as this will be a long process and some people might not understand it at all. Just know that I need to work on some stuff. For me, about me. I am not trying to be secretive or vague. I just need you all to pray as I am continuing on a journey of healing both mentally and physically.

I am walking without my cane as often as possible. I am still having a little difficulty but John worked me hard while I was gone. I am determined to keep up the hard work. I will have to say though I miss walking to the candy store!

I will be back to work tomorrow. It is the week before the new year so I will only be working til noon each day. That will be an easy way to transition back to that. I am looking forward to being there. I missed my people.

I miss my NJ people too. John, Alycia & Jack (and Mrs. Hulce, Gretchy, Ivy and YES EVEN Alfonse). It was fun playing in the snow, wrestling with, hanging out, eating and walking to the candy store. I appreciate everything you all did for me while I was there. I will come visit again soon!

Love, Jenn

I'll be home for Christmas...

Eve! Yes just in the nick of time!

After my flight was cancelled on Friday night and two feet of snow fell I was not sure when I would be able to get out of here. So yesterday morning first thing I started to call Delta to rebook my flight home.

I spent an hour solid listening to the busy signal (apparently everyone else was trying to rebook too...who knew?!) decided to try again later...more busy signal, got through once and got cut off just as I got a person. So between football games and dinner I had the phone attaced at the ear and my redial finger was just about stiff...

At 11:05 last night I FINALLY got through to the lovely Elizabeth at Delta, only to be told each day that I asked for (Mon-Wed) had NO flights to ATL. I was practically in tears as I asked her to PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE find me a flight for Thursday. I was in luck and just as we started to book my flight I got cut off again. I was in tears at that point.

It took another hour of trying to get through to finally get to a person and thankfully I had some more information and managed to book a flight for Thursday at 11:32am that will land in Atlanta at 2:03pm. I will be home for Christmas Eve services and I am so excited about that! I am looking forward to seeing everyone. I am most excited about seeing my family and being together.

So that is the big news from me for today. Pray for good weather and a safe flight.

Love, Jenn

Jiggy gone...

caneless! Yes you read that right!

I got up this morning and for the first time in a long time my legs have felt pretty good. I still have pain in them but today they felt stronger than they have in a long time. So...

Alycia and Jack and I were going to take a trip to Wal Mart. I needed to pick up a few things (including a gift for Alycia as her birthday is tomorrow) and we just wanted to get out of the house for a bit.

So as we were gathering our stuff to go to Wal Mart I thought to myself, I am going to try to do this without my cane. I know that sounds totally crazy as I have been using it for almost a year and half...but I thought well, Alycia could help me and I was going to be holding onto a buggy so it should not be too bad.

When we got to WM, we got a pretty close parking spot but I still had to walk from the car to the WM. I was a little unsteady but I managed to get to where the buggy's were. I was impressed with myself! :)

I walked the WM and held onto the buggy. Jack would not let me push him in the buggy so Alycia had a seperate buggy. We had a nice lunch at Subway and Jack was so good at the Wal Mart.

I got back to the car, managed to walk to the car, then onto the cart corral and back to the car. I know it does not seem like much but to me it was HUGE. I have not been without the cane in so long it has become like a part of me and while I am not running marathons yet it felt good to walk without it...my legs are killing me at the moment but as I get stronger it will be easier. Who knows maybe this time next year I WILL be running marathons...

So how is that for some good news?

Love, Jenn

To jump or not to jump...

that is the question...

Once when I was a kid we were at a public pool and there were these diving boards, I was good with the low one. We had one of those at home, I was comfortable there. Then there was one a little higher. No way I was going on that one. I am afraid of heights...always have been. Going back and forth to Philly has been fun as we have had to go over the bridge every time and I freak out EVERY time...I hate it!

So anyway, back to the diving board. Then there was this REALLY high diving board. My dad forced me to go up the ladder and wanted me to jump. I was freaking out...did I mention that I am afraid of heights? Well, by this time there was a line of kids behind me yelling at me to jump and I was standing on the edge of the board shivering and shaking. I then decided I could not jump so I turned around and made about 20 kids move so I could climb down the ladder and go back to my comfortable low diving board. My dad was pretty disappointed that I chickened out.

Well, today I am that same scared little girl, only I am standing at the edge of the diving board shivering and shaking and realizing that I CANNOT climb back down that ladder and go back to the comfortable. I am scared to death to jump. Afraid that I am going to belly flop and break my neck. But then as I stand there shivering and shaking I realize that if I jump and do what I need to do to make that perfect entrance into the water The judges will give me a perfect ten and it could be the most beautiful thing I have ever done in my life and when I surface even though it may be an unfamilar place that I am in it will be a new and beautiful place for me. Somewhere I have meant to be all along and just was to scared to get there.

I am working through a lot of stuff that has been weighing me down for a long time. John has given me lots of hard work to do and I am doing it. Today I realized that my besetting sin is not unforgiveness as I had originally thought but it is fear. I wrote down FIVE pages of things that I am afraid of. I don't think I am done yet. As I work through all of that I am in a very vunerable, scary place. Not planning my demise, not running away, not anything bad, just a very hard place for me to be. To be humbled by what I am facing and knowing that this may take a long time to get through. I did not get here overnight as John told me today and I will not get out of this place overnight either.

I covet your prayers and understanding. I am hopefully coming home on Saturday but I will not be the same Jiggy that flew away but hopefully on my way to a more beautiful and healthier Jenn who will be strong and courageous and not filled with fear.

Love, Jenn